Before I Fall
by CMLeoLover
Summary: When JJ finds herself in the hands of an UNSUB who she knows and wants to get revenge, she is forced to let out secrets she hadn't told anyone until now.
1. Chapter 1

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.  
-Bryant H. McGill 

JJ glanced up from her paperwork to see Hotch standing in the doorway of her office .It was getting late and she promised Will she would be home on time to put Henry to bed_. _ JJ smiled at Hotch "I'll be out in a minute, go home," she said still smiling. Hotch nodded and supressing a smile, continued down the catwalk and out the doors of the BAU building. Out of all the years she had known her boss that was one of the only times she had seen him smile.

JJ gathered her stuff and just as she was about to walk out the door she saw the case they would be working on the next day. An UNSUB was kidnapping, torturing and brutally killing blonde-haired, blue-eyed women. JJ grimaced when she saw the pictures of the women, alive and dead. She shook her head before briskly walking out the door towards her black SUV.

As JJ pulled up outside her house, she noticed the lights were still on. She looked down at her watch to see it was already midnight and she was about to get yet another lecture from Will about how her hours at the Pentagon were more reasonable. But this night was different.

JJ stepped inside her suburban house and hung up her coat. She looked around. Her husband or son was nowhere to be seen. As she started walking towards her kitchen she heard the click of a gun. She gasped and spun around to only face a tall, dark figure dressed in black with his face hidden behind a ski mask. He pointed the gun at her. JJ reached down to pick up her gun only to realise she left it in her car. This forced her to raise and hold her hands in front of her. Thoughts were racing around in her head _"Who is he? Do I know him? Will he kill me?" _

She was interrupted from her thoughts by a voice. A voice she recognised. She looked up from the ground to look right into his brown eyes. "What do you want," she stuttered, clearly shocked, her eyes watered. JJ knew that her family were obviously sleeping oblivious to the commotion going on below them. "You," he replied stubbornly.

Before JJ could answer he charged at her, knocking her out cold.

The greater the power, the more dangerous the abuse.  
Edmund Burke


	2. Chapter 2

Hotch walked in the main building into the bullpen to find the team sitting at their desks. As he was about to walk to his office he spun around. "Where's JJ?" he asked as his brow furrowed. The team shrugged their shoulders as they shook their heads.

The post man entered the room and handed a letter to Hotch as he started pacing. He looked up at the man who was their usual guy and nodded a thank you. A tape was attached to the letter and Hotch knew what was coming. He just knew.

"War room NOW!" he called as he ran to the round table room. He impatiently pushed the tape into the player as the team followed at his heels. The room went silent as all eyes turned to the screen.

JJ sat motionless. She was bound to a chair and gagged. Her eyes were closed and her face was bruised in a variety of colours. The rise and fall of her chest was the only sign to show she was alive. One by one, jaws dropped and gasps erupted around the room.

Garcia stormed into the room "boss man you requested me?" she blurted in her cheerful tone. She looked up from the papers in her hand to see the scene on the monitor. "Oh sugarplum" she whispered as her lip quivered. Tears sprang from her eyes. Her best friend was beaten and bound in some unknown location and why weren't they doing anything?

Morgan rubbed her back to comfort her while he himself was in shock. JJ was on the verge on being killed and they had no leads. One of his best friends was in seriously danger and all he wanted to do was kill the bastard that kidnapped one of his girls.

Rossi stared down at his hands. They needed to get her back. He knew that JJ saw him as a father figure and he loved that thought. His heart felt a pang of guilt. He recalled JJ being stressed the previous week and just not being herself. _Did this have something to do with the abduction? _He wondered.

Reid started pacing the room. His best friend was gone? A frown appeared on his face and tears were threatening to fall. _How could they have let this happen!_ He thought about the situation with Emily and Ian Doyle. _Would it end up like that, but real?_ He shuddered at the memory of Prentiss. He glanced over at her.

Emily stood not caring as tears ran down her cheeks freely as she looked at her friend looking just so vulnerable. She stood trembling. Pictures raced through her mind of the night before. As they stepped off the plane she remembered JJ just not being herself. She remembered her staying behind to do her "paperwork". She looked over a Rossi and she knew he was thinking the exact same thing. _She's not dead_, she reassured herself. _Yet._

Everyone was interrupted from their thoughts by a groan coming from the screen.

JJ woke up with a jerk and she winced as a pain shot up through her back. She coughed as she realised the gag in her mouth. Her blue eyes darted around the bare room. The bare room was all that surrounded her but she was oblivious to the camera in the top corner of the room flashing as it recorded her every move.

Her blonde hair stuck to her face as she fought against her bounds. Suddenly all the events of the nights before came flooding back to haunt her.

**8 hours earlier. **

Her captor dragged her from her home to a white van parked outside her back gate. She moaned as he released her from his grip into the vehicle and the door slided shut. He towered over her and the smell of tobacco wafted up her nostrils. He very suddenly started beating her. Throwing punches which were uncalled for and kicking her until she was no longer conscious. Blood poured from an open wound on her stomach but he bandaged it. He wanted her to stay alive, for the torture to last for as long as possible.

**Present Time**

JJ winced in pain as she felt a pounding headache. She jumped when she put her hand on her face. It was swollen and bleeding from various gashes. Tears threatened to fall as she thought of her team but she was soon snapped out her thoughts by the door to her right swinging open.

"Hello beautiful," sneered the tall figure as her locked the door behind him. A device was in his hand. Her vision played tricks on her as she tried to identify what the thing was. JJ then heard a buzzing sound. She closed her eyes. _This was not happening. _He strolled over to her. Her vision was blurred from her ordeal. She heard more buzzing followed by a burning pain on her left arm. She shaked and writhed in the chair as she bit her lip trying not to make the screams come out, trying not to give him what he wanted.

The team stared gaping at the screen shaking their heads as the UNSUB placed the cattle prod on JJ's bare skin. Garcia started sobbing in the corner.

Not getting the reaction he expected the UNSUB placed the prod on bare flesh on JJ's stomach. Her screams erupted around the room.

By this time Emily and Garcia were in hysterics. Morgan punched the wall in frustration, his anger and fear for JJ rising. Reid shook his head and briskly paced not knowing how to cope with the situation. His best friend was still screaming her heart out in pain as he was there crying and trying to shun himself.

Rossi couldn't look at the screen, but he could hear everything. Guilt overwhelmed him and he just couldn't hold it in any longer.

Hotch couldn't take it anymore. The women he shared his feelings about Haley with, the women he joked with, occasionally smiled and laughed with was at risk of losing her life.

_They need to find her, bring her home. And fast._


	3. Chapter 3

Hotch exited the room quickly to call Will and tell him what was happening to his wife. His cheeks were tear-stained from listening to JJ cry out in nothing but pain. He shuddered at the thought of it and tried to get it out of his mind – but it was impossible.

Aaron speed dialled Will's number and took deep breaths as he anticipated hearing his New Orleans accent on the other end of the line.

"Hello?" Will answered. His voice was groggy and it sounded like he was only after leaving his bed. Will had noticed JJ was not home and put it down to another case file coming in. He had been annoyed at her but knew that wasn't the approach with her.

"Will? Its Aaron, JJ has been kidnapped by an UNSUB and I need you here as soon as possible, I'll fill you in when you arrive." Hotch replied shakily.

"Oh God…..I'll drop…..H-Henry to his b-baby sitter," Will said between pauses.

Hotch had never heard or seen Will upset before and was quite taken a back with the reaction received.

"Ok see you soon," Hotch said before hanging up. He massaged his temples to relieve the pounding head ache he was experiencing. He stormed back into the Roundtable room to find the UNSUB back in the cell with JJ, only an hour after the last torture session.

The team stared wide-eyed again at the screen as they were silently hoping JJ would just hang on.

JJ was sitting in the chair trembling. Her clothes were torn and revealed the third degree burns fixated on her arm, stomach and chest. Her eyes were red and puffy and her crystal blue eyes were now dull. The UNSUB was standing over her with a knife in his hand. He was running his finger along the blade and smiling to himself.

The team could not see the UNSUB's face but could tell JJ recognised him by the way she glared at him. Garcia had resorted back to her lair to try to trace the video feed. Emily was sitting in one of the chairs hugging her knees close to her chest to try and get some comfort from the situation.

Rossi and Hotch were by now standing side by side trying to think where the UNSUB could be. Suddenly Will ran into the room. His eyes were red and puffy and he was out of breath. He doubled over trying to get some air into his lungs.

Reid walked over to him to explain what had happened. He continued to gesture towards the video feed. Will looked at the monitor and gasped. He stared at the ceiling not making eye contact with any of the people surrounding him and let out a sigh of frustration.

He then fixed his attention to the screen in front of him.

The UNSUB was by now getting frustrated with the little reaction he got from keeping JJ bound to the chair. He untied her and threw her into the corner. His rage was now clear.

JJ whimpered in pain as she hit the floor. She wrapped her arms around herself. She felt vulnerable and defenceless – two of the things she hated most.

He walked over to her and chuckled.

"Is little Jenny scared?" he mocked her and started laughing again to himself.

"This will make you think twice about what you did!" He boomed down at her.

The man began slicing at her body from all angles. The screams and shouts that came out of the blonde were unbearable. Tears slid down her face at an uncontrollable rate as she bunched up into a ball with her back to him in the corner.

Will banged his fists down on the table and began to sob. Morgan punched the wall and tears threatened to fall. Hotch stared at the ground. He didn't want JJ to be in any more pain he just had to find her and fast. Emily found it impossible to keep her breathing under control. The screams continued to fill the room._ Let this be a dream, let me wake up now._

Rossi stared into blank space and Spencer found it impossible to control himself. He began pacing the room and massaging his forehead. Sobs escaped his mouth as he tried to hold in the tears.

By now JJ was unconscious. Her breathing was rushed and she was restless as she lay in a pool of her own blood. The UNSUB began to stitch up her wounds roughly with fish wire. He wanted her to be alive for what he had in store.

Garcia pranced into the room.

"I have narrowed down the UNSUB's location but do not know the exact details." She gestured to the map behind her and pointed at three possible locations. Reid marked them out as she spoke.

"How is my buttercup doing," she asked with worried eyes and she glanced up at JJ's lifeless body.

"He just cut her with a knife about twenty times - so not good," Rossi snapped at her but immediately regretted it as Garcia retreated back to her many computers.

Morgan glared at him. "Taking your anger out on another team member isn't going to help JJ, Rossi."

"She just found three possible locations that are in our area so let's get going."

As they were about to leave the room a moan came from the screen. JJ was looking around hazily. She attempted to sit up but the streams of pain that shot up her body denied her request. She looked down at her stomach and grimaced at the sight of the dried blood and the fish wire. Her burns were now blistered and in danger of infection. Her face was painted in colours from purple to yellow and was badly swollen.

JJ jumped as a red light flashed in the corner. When she looked up her eyes were filled with confusion. A TV screen was in the corner and on it were her team members all looking at her in the state she was in.

"Can you hear me" she croaked as a tear escaped her dull, cloudy eyes.

Emily nodded and smiled at now being able to make contact with her best friend.

"How are you feeling?"

"Sore." She said as she winced when a pain shot up her back.

JJ then noticed Will looking dumbfounded at the screen.

She looked at him and mouthed "I'm okay," as the screen went blank.

"Dammit!" Will shouted as the connection cut. Emily put a hand on his shoulder and tried to comfort him when she too was in tears. Aaron looked at him with his brow furrowed. "Will we know you are upset, we all are, but we need to remain calm for JJ's sake."

Will looked at him with anger in his eyes. "How do I remain calm when JJ is at some unknown location with a psychopath that can kill her at any second? She's being tortured and beaten, he may even rape her Hotch!" By now tears were streaming down his face. "How do I remain calm when our son is at home oblivious to the fact that he may never see his mom again?"

"And lastly, how do I remain calm when she's pre…." Will shouted but immediately regretted the last sentence.

"She's what?!" Aaron shouted at him. The rest of the team turned to face his direction.

Will began to sob again.

"She's pregnant."


	4. Chapter 4

Everyone in the room went silent. They were trying to digest what Will had just said.

"When was she planning on telling us?" Aaron asked a look of hurt and shock on his face.

"She was supposed to tell you today, but then this happened," Will mumbled while trying not to break down again.

Emily didn't know whether to be happy for her friend or not as she didn't know if she would see her in person again, she hopped that the last time she saw JJ would not be when she was dead. Garcia stood in the doorway and heard every word said. She was secretly thrilled but hopped they would find her _angelfish _and the unborn baby.

Rossi sighed. _Now there were two lives at risk and we don't even know where to begin_.

Morgan was happy but anger still remained as he didn't want two lives at risk. He wanted everything to be the way it was before JJ got taken. Now, no new leads and not even a hint to where the location was.

This made Reid think frantically. Reid ran through the locations and distances in which all victims and JJ had been taken. They were all taken from their own homes, where they are supposed to feel safe. And they were all dumped not more than 5 miles from the abduction site. Ideas and circumstances raced through his mind. He did have an eidetic memory after all. He grabbed the marker and began to write furiously.

"When did she …you know find out?" Garcia questioned.

"She found out the day before the abduction, she was thrilled – as was I. Jay was really looking forward to telling all of you but then …..this" Will sighed again. He had bags under his eyes and it was getting late and all he could do was think of his Jay-Jay.

Meanwhile JJ was struggling to fight the sleep that was threatening to win the battle. Her sides throbbed where she had been cut and her burns were blistered and stinging. A pounding headache remained in the background as she dreaded him coming through the door again.

_You'd think he would have some sort of cooling off period. _She thought. _Why would he do this to me? What did I do to that bastard to make him hate me? "This will make you think about what you did!" What the hell is that supposed to mean? My team are going to burst in here any minute and save me and everything will be ok._

She was interrupted from her thoughts once again by the door opening. JJ threw her head back in annoyance and groaned making sure it wasn't audible for the being coming through the door. The screen in the corner flashed on and the faces of her friends appeared once again.

The UNSUB walked over to her and hauled her up by her arm making her moan in pain from the sudden movement. He through her in a chair which she had not noticed before placed in the centre of the room.

Wires from all directions stuck out from the back of the chair. JJ knew what was coming and tensed her body immediately. He bound her again and flipped a switch at the side to on. The only noise audible in the room was the buzzing coming from the electrical box attached to a leg of the chair.

The UNSUB began repeatedly pressing a button which he held in his hand which sent electrical currents racing through JJ's body. She jumped with every shock, screaming with the pain that crept back every few seconds.

Her best friends watched in horror and all they could think about was the unborn baby which practically had no chance of survival. They winced with every scream which came out of their blonde friend's mouth and held in the tears which swam in their eyes.

JJ lay unconscious for the third time in two days. The audience she had had not gone home and slept in 48 hours and it was clearly visible. Her breathing was shallow and raspy and she continued to struggle to get air into her lungs. She had at least two broken ribs from her ordeal and that was not all of her injuries.

Her hair clung to her face with a mixture of blood and sweat. Tears continued to sneak out of her closed eyes and she endured the only peaceful moment she had in the past two days.


	5. Chapter 5

The screaming died down and the team found themselves checking to see if JJ was still alive. By now the UNSUB had left the room and had left JJ sprawled across the floor in the corner.

I cannot say that one person in that room did not feel helpless and thought it was their fault. Because everyone thought it was their fault JJ was kidnapped, their fault she was in this mess and their responsibility to get her out of it.

Two weeks passed without a lead and the UNSUB only sent them a video link once a week. Every time they saw JJ again she looked more frightened, more beaten and closer to breaking.

Her baby bump was distinctive which gave Will and the rest of the BAU team the satisfaction the baby was still alive. The doctor had told JJ the day he confirmed her pregnancy that she had been pregnant for two months. She was taken aback as she had been on the field during that time. Now she was nearly three months along.

Reid continued the write frantically everytime the Unsub made an appearance

"I have it!" he called enthusiastically.

All faces turned towards him with a look of hope.

"These two locations," he said gesturing to the two points on the map circled "are out of his kill zone, but this one right here is directly in the middle." He continued. "JJ is kept in a cell which means that it has to be an old Jail of some sort, Garcia can you pull up a list of prisons that have been not in use in the past year?" "Of course my genius," she said excitingly as she pulled up a list of four prisons in seconds on her laptop.

She narrowed down the search to one prison which was in the area Reid had just described.

"Dunmore Prison has been unused in the last year and is right in the middle of that area." She remarked and smirked as _the genius_ may have just found where her _sugarplum_ was.

Reid smiled at her with a look of satisfaction, as the frowns on everyone's faces in the room turned to smiles.

"Let's go bring Jayje home," Hotch said looking at the screen at the women staring blankly at the wall.

"I'll stay with Penelope to show the UNSUB someone's watching….the show," Rossi said watching the agents exit the room to go to their SUVs.

JJ sat in the darkness counting the seconds that she spent confined to the wooden chair that sent aches shooting up her spine at regular intervals.

The screen flashed on again and she knew that that was the sign that he was about to return to his so called "show".

The door creaked open and a man in dark clothes approached her.

She considered enticing him but decided against it. He hauled her up by her matted blonde hair and proceeded to drag her out the steel door. JJ whimpered in pain as her pounding headache returned.

Garcia watched in horror, her eyes peeping out beneath her hands which hid her face. "W-why is h-he taking h-her o-out of the…the r-room," "I don't know Garcia," Rossi replied while wishing the team would burst through the doors at that moment.

JJ was thrown into another cell.

Her reactions were decreasing as she tried to separate herself from everything he threw at her. This angered the man whose hatred and rage now lay at the surface.

He kicked her frail body and successfully connected with her by now infected burns and broken ribs. JJ cried out in pain to no one at all. She glared at him, her face bruised and completely worn from exhaustion.

He hit her hard across her face making her yelp in pain. His frustration was crystal clear as her punched her again leaving JJ dazed and struggling to stay awake.

Before she could stop it her was ripping the remains of her clothes and handcuffing her to a pipe in the far left corner of the room.

JJ whimpered and cried in pain and hoped her team would just burst in that door with Morgan in the front and shoot the evil murderer and rapist that was making her an inch from breaking.

She desperately tried to free her thin wrists from the handcuffs that cut off the blood circulation to her hands. JJ shook her head and continued to fail to distance herself from the man raping her.

It was too late for her to have a chance to stop him before she lost consciousness and woke up again in the cell she was originally in. Her clothes lay in shreds over her and it was obvious she had been crying. Her eye was swollen shut and her burns were exposed. A tattoo was inked onto her bare chest. A symbol, which she didn't understand and never would learn to.

Rossi and Garcia stared at her from the screen above her. They knew what had just happened and were trying to keep the tears from flowing down her face.

JJ jumped and winced as she did so when she heard a gunshot go off from behind the wall she leaned on. She listened to Morgan's voice as he shouted "clear."

She could hear Hotch shout the same.

The door swung loudly open to reveal Will. He screamed "found her!" as he gently pulled her into a hug which she accepted before breaking down into tears.

She was surrounded by her team in seconds and they all stood around her as she continued to cry into Will's shoulder until the medic came rushing in.

**Being loved deeply by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. – Lao Tzu**


	6. Chapter 6

JJ continued to cry onto Wills shoulder. Her attempts to remain in control were to no avail. Her sobs made her body shake. It broke everyone's hearts to see her like this. Reid was beating himself up to think he could have found the location sooner. _It wasn't that hard to figure out it was a prison, was it? _JJ began to moan as the pain in her ribs took over. Blood stained what remained of her clothes and the burns and gashes were exposed. Hotch was yelling at the phone trying to somehow make the paramedics get there sooner.

Will rubbed her back while repeating. "I'm so sorry Jayje." Tears stained his cheeks and his eyes were bloodshot. He hadn't slept properly in three weeks and all he wanted was to relieve her of the pain. The gashes on JJ's stomach was bleeding as the make shift stitches tore with every movement. The pain was unbelievable…. but he was dead. That was all that mattered to her. The pain had sub-sided as she saw him again. He just looked so real. She was reliving what had happened to her only a few minutes before.

She screamed out in fear. Her own mind was slowly killing her as everyone tried to snap her out of her thoughts. They were taking over their once in control, cheerful media liaison. She used to hide her emotions. She used to put up walls that had once protected her from the outside world. But he had broken those walls.

The team watched in horror as they continued to try and reassure her he was no longer on this earth. He was dead, but the memories remained.

The paramedics ran into the cell and began to help the distraught blonde who thrashed against their hold. The team felt heartbroken as one of their own was broken.

Garcia was crying and so was Rossi and they watched on the screen, medics wheel a now still JJ out of the room that she had been kept in for too long. Where she had endured the most pain she had ever experienced. The team were too late to save JJ from breaking. The few minutes had caused her walls to collapse. For he had broken them, the man she had trusted for so long had torn down her walls. He had broken Jennifer Jareau.

_The beeping was loud; the ambulance speeded along the high way. My eyelids were heavy. I just want to close them but am jerked back by bolts of electricity every time. I don't want to fight anymore. I lost the battle. I can hear Will and Emily calling my name. I could hear their cries of help directed at no body in particular. I wanted to tell them I would be happier where I will be but my voice couldn't be heard. I tried to stay awake – my god I tried. _

_I could see a bright light beckoning me forward. The voices I left behind still shouting for me to stay with them. I am done with the fighting, done with the pain that lasted too long. I see him every time I close my eyes, he will never leave. Hovering over me, his sickening smile and his slurred words all become real. The light was there, I could see it. My friends were desperately calling my name to keep me there but as soon I go back they won't be there, that would be a lie. He'll be waiting in the darkness, ready to get his hands on me again._

_That would be too much. I would never be able to look at another case file and not doing my job would take just about everything from me. The pain was gone, the fear and the burden was lifted off my shoulders. I'll miss everyone but it won't be the same. I'll be treated like a victim, like I am broken into a million pieces. The tears are gone and the constant fear of looking behind me is no more. My family and friends will remember me as a fighter and that I wouldn't want them to be sad that I am no longer there every day and night. The laughs and good times we have shared will be with me everywhere I go. The jokes and even the tears will be with me when I miss them-which is always. This is not what I want – oh god it isn't. The battle is over and it's time to leave – isn't it?_

_I'm thankful for my years spent with my family; for everything we shared, every chance we had to grow. I'll take the best of them and lead by their example; where ever I go. A friend told me to be honest with you, so here it goes. This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept; things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go._ _The light is getting brighter, the voices are no longer audible. My work, husband, son and the little one that I never met will always be a part of me. The time has come. I can't turn back now. _

_My family will always remember me. I died young, my life was cut short. I will miss seeing the people I love every day, I will miss my job which I have had for over seven years. Seven wonderful years and yes we had our ups and downs but I wouldn't change anything for the world, but if I could still be there with them now to reassure them that I am fine and to relieve them of their pain, believe me I would . I will be on the wall of fallen agents and they will walk by my picture every day knowing I died doing what I love, saving people. _

_But some people can't be saved. _


	7. Chapter 7

_**Believe that your life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. – William James**_

_Every time I walked towards the glowing light it seemed it was going further away. I tried to keep up with it. The voices had returned. I attempted to out-run them. At that moment, I didn't want to return to the pain and the questioning. I was not a victim and never will be. He may have broken me, made me cry in nothing but fear, but I would not let him win._

_I could hear the voices saying that they had a line. I could hear nothing but sighs of relief coming from what sounds like Will and Emily. Their voices were still shaking with sobs. _

_The light around me was fading rapidly and I panicked. Darkness reminded me of that place. I didn't want to return to that place. Ever. The darkness had now consumed me. I could see his figure looming in the distance. Every time I blinked he got closer. I screamed for the help that didn't arrive._

_I could hear Emily shouting at the medics as a loud beeping took over the speeding vehicle. I could hear the desperate cries for the second time. All I could make out were the words she's crashing, over and over again. I could see the light again. A wave of relief washed over me. The man was no longer present. The light got bigger and bigger by the second. I could feel my lips twitch into a smile that took over my face. My eyes matched the smile as the glint returned._

_I was happy._

_I could still hear my friends. It was like they would never leave. Their tries to reach me and pull me back were not working. I could hear the crying. I felt the guilt come back. I didn't want to be the cause of their pain. _

_My smile quickly faded as the light flickered around me. I looked behind me to see an image of Will and Henry. I could see them laughing and playing. I could see my in the background. I looked… well happy. That is all I ever wanted. Was I being selfish? _

_The scene of my husband and son disappeared. _

_I didn't want to leave._

_Who would?_

_I didn't want to turn my back on the life I had. _

_I could hear the sobs as Will tried to stay strong. I didn't want to leave. Oh – god I didn't._

_I just didn't want to feel the pain anymore. That would be my excuse for the future. A tear fell down my cheek as the light went out and I turned towards the path where the voices were coming from._

_I'm coming home._

_**In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. – Robert Frost**_


	8. Chapter 8

Will's calming tone seemed to relax me as I focused on his words. I was going to come home. I was not going to allow myself to drift back to the light that was beckoning me to follow it. I had decided I didn't want to go down that road. But, I couldn't dwell on what would have happened if I had gone in to the light in the past and I couldn't think about the future yet, I had to concentrate on the present moment. And my only task was to stay alive.

It's not as easy as it sounds. The truth is I don't know what is going to happen to me from here on out. Nothing in my life was or will ever be guaranteed. I could feel Emily holding my hand in hers. I knew she would never let me go a third time. I will never give up. I would never let go again.

And I have finally learned that I have to let go of the life I had planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for me. A friend once told me things happen for a reason. I now believe that's true.

The pain had returned. My eyelids were heavy and I realised I was still in darkness. I opened my eyes to see Will. The light stunned my eyes and I quickly shut them. I tried again, this time to see Emily. I admit I was confused. I looked down to see a man. Will could obviously feel my body tense as I began to panic. I heard the word medic over and over again. I began to relax once again.

I felt a searing pain in my abdomen as I attempted to sit up. I lay back down and I could feel my eyes begin to sting as the tears came to the surface.

"No tears," Will mumbled as he wiped the tear that strayed onto my cheek. I looked at Emily who was still holding onto my hand for dear life. And at that moment I knew that walking with my friends in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

I could feel the ambulance brake to a halt. The doors flung open and before I knew it I was being wheeled down a long hallway towards the operating room. Will and Emily were still by my side until they were stopped by one of the doctors at the double doors.

All I remember is Will saying he loved me no matter what. Those were the last words I ever heard my sister say. **My sister**.

I recall the mask being put on my face and looking up at the multiple lights on the ceiling before the darkness enveloped me once again.

I tried to remember everything that man said to me as I was in the dark.

He said it was my fault my sister was dead and that it was my fault that my parents resorted to drink. They were with her now. I missed them but they were happier there with my sister weren't they?

Oh wait, then he shouted at me things about how he let them go. What was that supposed to mean?

I remember him whispering to me that he was glad he left me alive. So he would get to finish me off now, with my team – my family watching.

Then like a brick, it hit me. He murdered my family.

I thought back to that night when I was eleven. My sister came into my room with her eyes red from crying but I took no notice. She handed me the necklace. It was personally one of the most beautiful pieces of jewellery in my opinion. I looked at her and told I couldn't take it but she insisted. She told me that no matter what happened she loved me. I told her the same before she walked away. Little did I know that I would find Rosslyn in the bathroom the next morning with her wrists cut from one of my dad's razors.

I remember shutting off from the rest of the world. My parents tried desperately to get me to talk, to eat, but to no avail. I was gone.

I remember getting help and just as I was about to get back to normal the worst thing that ever happened in my life occurred. I heard a loud thud in the middle of the night. I thought it was nothing, I was thirteen then. I ran into my parent's room to find them lying there. Their chests were still. They were dead. Their window was wide open. They were **murdered.**

**Murdered.**

The word spun around my head until I saw the light flicker above my head. I screamed, I don't know why I screamed and then it was dark again. I was getting used to the darkness.

The team and Will sat eagerly awaiting the doctor's update on JJ. They sat silently thinking about if she was alive after the ordeal they heard happened in the ambulance.

They watched the doctor approach them.

They stood up as they heard the doctor calling

"family of Jennifer Jareau."


	9. Chapter 9

**Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future. – John F. Kennedy **

The doctor narrowed his eyes at the group of people standing in front of him.

"You're all family?" he asked doubtfully.

The team looked at Will before nodding their heads impatiently waiting for the news on their beloved JJ.

"Jennifer has bruises from minor to severe all over her body, mainly around her chest and back. She has received various gashes from a knife around her sides and on her back and legs. These have become infected."

He let them digest the information they have just heard before continuing.

"Jennifer has second degree burns on her arms and chest. There was a sign of internal bleeding but we were able to find the source and repair the damage. Her broken ribs have been set. We have also performed a rape kit which came back…positive." He said the last part reluctantly as he heard the gasps and sobs coming mostly from Will.

"The fetus is luckily healthy and there should be no more complications throughout the pregnancy."

"She coded during the surgery but we got her back. She is now recovering in room 126. You can go visit her now. She may not be very lucid but she is awake." He smiled at them before walking away.

The team made their way up to JJ's room in an awkward silence. Will was practically racing past all the rooms searching for the correct number. He was muttering something about hospitals being to big when he came to her room. He sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair.

The team caught up with him as they tried to catch their breath. Will opened the door slowly to see his wife lying on the hospital bed. Her hair was sprawled across the various pillows, an IV was attached to her hand, her pregnant belly showed beneath the sheets and various machines beeped in the room. Her blue eyes were clouded in pain and she stared straight ahead not acknowledging her families presence.

Will ran to her side and took JJ's hand in his. "I love you Jayje."

He watched as she slowly turned to him. "I love you too," her voice was dry and raspy. She tried desperately to choke down the sobs but to no avail. Her blue eyes glistened and the tears welled up. JJ hugged Will as she cried onto his shoulder. She ignored the sharp, twisting pain in her back as she cried. She wanted to cry so much back in that room but he would torture her more.

Aaron, Rossi, Emily, Garcia, Derek and Reid stood in the doorway wondering how they could have let this happen. They held back the tears that threatened to fall as they saw their friend in such a state.

JJ lifted her head up off Will's shoulder and he stroked her arm trying to calm her. "I'm so sorry," she croaked through the tears. Her head went to her hands as the sobs racked her body again. Minutes later she was in a restless sleep, her body tired out from the situation.

The team were now sitting on the chairs beside her bed watching as she tossed and turned trying to get comfortable as she slept.

Will remained by her side running his fingers through her blonde hair.

They tried to keep small talk going but it wasn't working. They sat in silence waiting for the blonde petite to wake up from her slumber.

The next few hours went by very slowly. The nurses had to clean the wounds as JJ screamed in pain and protest, JJ and her child's health being checked and the visitors trying to stray from the topic of the kidnapping.

None of them knew who the UNSUB was or her connection with him. None of them knew of her past that haunted her every day. None of them knew why it took her so long to trust anyone. None of them knew what she was going through. No one knew how long it would take for her to forget.

Nobody knew.

**If there is no struggle, there is no progress. – Frederick Douglass**


End file.
